if I could have any magical power, I would want to be able to travel instantly, to any time or place that at that moment I desire. not the way it is in donkey kong 64 where you have to have already visited the place once to go back, but how mario does in super mario n64...

though this seems crazy to say--my summer is almost over. saying it aloud is like getting punched in the stomach and having the wind knocked out of me. there is little time left and suddenly every weekend I want to be a million places at once. I've got so many people to see, so many things I wanted and still want to do this summer. there are still books to be read, movies to be watched, rivers to float down. and yet so many already-made commitments booking up each hour, each day.

my days consist of running from job to job, sometimes in a complete daze and sometimes so anxious I could pull my hair out. days when I do finally finished, I just want to be alone. days when I'm asleep by 11 because I have to wake up at 7:30. days where they blend together and suddenly weeks have passed. a bit monotnous I suppose. this summer has been a good test of real world responsibility as well as an intense glimpse into motherhood...which will probably not be happening at 24 like I'd planned. this summer has also scared me in regards to my ever-growing inablity to say no, especially when it involves making money. I have become a little money hungry and at times have questioned if coming back to pinehurst was a good idea. I've also realized it was, and I am very glad to be here.

this word-vomit of sorts was not intended to create a pity-party. to be honest, all three of my jobs are very easy and flexible and quite enjoyable. I guess I'm attempting to excuse my lack of communication because I'm busy. and really, I miss lots of people who are important to me. I have come to terms with the fact that I am really bad at keeping in touch with people when we're not together, and I have confidence that when we're together again, everything is exactly how we left it. so my concern is not that these friendships will change. but its the simple fact that I'm yearning to be with these people, to have any sort of communication- even if its for only five minutes every few days.

so to anyone and everyone that I know-- know that I love you all dearly and miss you so much, and am sincerely looking forward to us being together, whenever that might be. I promise to slow down a little and take more advantage of the time I have, and work to give what I have to you. but for now, be jealous because most of my friends I've been spending so much time with are under the age of seven and absolutely adorable and worth my exhaustion. and soon enough things will be how they were and we'll waste the days together.