I wrote this this morning while babysitting and had it saved as a draft. I then went to my comparative lit class, a class where all semester I’ve struggled on and off with what we discuss. there have been times I walk out so frustrated I consider dropping the class entirely but then other times I’m practically skipping out I’m so awestruck with the power of words and literature.
this is the thing about me-- I tend to walk around with a certain level of disconnectedness and yet I preach about being connected to everybody. walking contradiction, I regret to say. when bad things happen that hurt me I have a disassociation and fill myself with other things. I “busy” myself rather than getting to the root of the issue. but this cushioning ultimately forms a numbness, a numbness to life. and I think thats another part of where my struggle has come from in this class. I’m numb to the things we discuss because I’ve built up such a wall. a shield of sorts. because I like my sheltered bubble where bad things don’t typically happen. but thats not life. and the reality is I don’t like feeling numb.
today was our last day of class and it was one that moved me. I feverishly wrote two full pages of things I wanted to carry with me. in fact, I almost raised my hand and asked how they knew exactly what I’ve been consumed with. and then I realized the simple fact that despite the size of variety of who is in there, we are all going through similar things. we are all sharing life together. we discussed a few questions that sometimes I think we tend to forget. I ask you to ask yourself those things now.
-what do you care about?
-what kind of memories are we accumulating?
-how can most people not think?
because today they might have changed me.
image via fortheloveofgold
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