I have a confession.

today I had my first glimpse at a senior-year-meltdown. it was very minor, with no crying or phone calls to my parents, but there was panic all the same. a bit more uneasy anticipation than what I am used to on a regular basis.

and I blame you Lauren Heuber.

over the weekend I was asked questions, questions typical for a girl in her senior year, pertaining mostly to post-college plans and endeavors. for a while now this answer has been quite simple. I’ll move abroad to be an au pair for about a year, hopefully with a wealthy family where we’ll go on lots of weekend excursions and I’ll enjoy seeing spanish countrysides, italian beaches, and swiss mountains. this could ultimately lead to more traveling or maybe by that time I’ll have a better grasp on what I want to pursue. and while that still sounds very, very appealing, a part of me wonders if I still just say that because it’s easier to act like I have it all together and because I have no real alternative plans.

to be perfectly honest, I have no idea what will happen come may and I’m a bit envious of those who have it all figured out.